Friday, January 2, 2015

The Story of Rob and Emma

RH: Hey my names Rob, as you can probably deduce by my username. You seem like a hilariously heartbreakingly harrowing heroin...sorry for the bizarre wordplay but I never know how to start these things. I know on paper I look like a mess but I promise you my profile is not really a good representation of me.
Sent on 12/28/2013

Rob sent me a message on a Saturday when I was alone in my office, as I always was on Saturdays back then. I had been on OKCupid for a little over a month, and had already been on a string of entertaining but ultimately inconsequential dates. It was right between Christmas and New Years, which both fell on a Wednesday that year, and I was caught up in the glistening nostalgia which tends to color New York that time of year. Our messages were not deeply personal or revealing of our true natures, but something about this message and his face made my skepticism feel less like a logical necessity and more like an unjustified barrier.

ES: I fully appreciate the alliteration and it's a much more interesting way to begin a conversation than "hello how are you?". Profiles are a good place to start, but I prefer doing most of my familiarizing through conversation anyway :)
Sent from the OkCupid app  12/28/2013

We talked on and off all day, switching to text fairly quickly, about nothing in particular. I talked about how I had never had a successful New Years Eve in New York, and we agreed to meet on that night because we had otherwise resolved to stay in and avoid it that night. "We might as well plan on having a terrible time together" I said.

ES: Oh, and my name is Emma. I actually found your profile quite charming, for what it's worth.
Sent from the OkCupid app  12/28/2013

I had to work on the 31st so we decided to meet on the later side with no particular plan.  At around 9 o clock, I mixed bourbon and grapefruit juice in a water bottle, bought a bottle of cheap prosecco, and hopped on a Manhattan bound 7 train. I had told him I would be doing this, but that didn't make it any less presumptuous that I arrived on his stoop in a far too sparkly dress and insisted on being let up so I could put my libations in his fridge before heading out to one of his favorite local bars on the Upper West Side.

RH:Hello Emma! Thank you very much. The way you begin your profile was charming and interesting as well. "Dress like an unsupervised 6 year old" =very funny. I dress like a jerk in the 90's, like any character in American Pie. I would completely understand if you did not reply back after having received that information.
Sent on 12/28/2013

By some miracle we found a seat at a table and were able to procure Beers. Rob is 6'3, which has always been very helpful when it comes to getting drinks in a crowded bar. I am mostly useless in this regard, and should not be trusted to carry things anyway.

ES: On the contrary, I have a fondness for mid 90s dude-wear. It's what all the Hollywood hunks were wearing during my formative years, afterall. I recently rewatched the entire Felicity series on Netflix so I have no shortage of affection for the 90s and all of the button up shirts they have to offer. Now it's my turn to forgive you for not responding on account of the Felicity thing.
Sent from the OkCupid app  12/28/2013

We talked about other Okcupid dates and admitted uncomfortable things that could have brought the evening to a grinding halt but didn't; I that I was somewhat recently removed from a very long term relationship and he that he really hadn't been in a long term relationship other than a relationship which spanned the last year of highschool and the first year of college. We were both 26 at the time.

RH: Haha I actually had to look up Felicity, my 90's pop culture references begin with the first gulf war and end with the break up of the Spice Girls. We all have those guilty pleasure shows, I would be lying if I said I didn't watch an episode or two of The Jersey Shore. Again no need to respond, I feel like I just offended every person with the admittance of having watched more than 1 minute of that show.
Sent on 12/28/2013

The truth is that I didn't talk enough- I never do on first dates. But I listened. I enjoyed listening to him very much and he was very good at being listened to. He was flatteringly nervous and eager to be known.  I know now that he is this way with most people, which is something I love about him regardless, but at the time it felt like it was for me, and I was doing a good job.

ES:When I had cable I used to watch jersey shore all the time. I'm not "on board" with that kind if thing and I definitely don't want that lifestyle for myself, but I am not above it. And I still think the concept of "the shirt before the shirt" leading into "t shirt time" is some of the funniest shit on earth.
Sent from the OkCupid app  12/28/2013

We had known each other for less than two hours when the ball dropped, and we were across a table from each other with strangers packed in on either side of us so we just smiled dumbly and pretended it wasn't happening. We were not drunk enough for a kiss to feel anything other than stressful in that moment. He went outside to call his family members for what felt like a very long time. To this day I give him a hard time about this, but in reality I found it very endearing.

ES:I decided that I'm not ok with having sent a message in which I ONLY talked about jersey shore so I'm amending this message to say that jersey shore only makes up a teeny percentage of my tv habits. The rest is mostly cartoons and sitcoms. Not that I watch tv all day long. I go outside ALL the time.
Sent from the OkCupid app  12/28/2013

I don't remember how long we stayed there. It couldn't have been too long because we only had two beers, which he bought by the way, like a gentleman. In fact, my usual move on an online date is to show up early and already have a drink by the time he arrives to eliminate the "who's paying" element so this threw me off my game a bit, but I really wanted to have that Prosecco chilling when we returned so I had no choice. We went back to his place with every intention of going to his friends party in Brooklyn, because what's ballsier than going on a first date on New Years Eve? Introducing that date to all of your friends or BEING introduced to all of your dates friends.

RH: Hahahahaha you might be hilarious. Speaking of being outside it is uncomfortably nice out for this time of year, I'm almost considering going for a run. By the way, my number is xxxxxxxxx if in fact you would like to text me instead.
Sent on 12/28/2013

...we didn't make it to the party. We drank Prosecco and my strange Bourbon concoction. I would later find out that he hates Grapefruit juice.What a trooper. We drank and talked (me still not enough) and walked the dog. It was freezing outside and suddenly it was 3 AM and we were in Riverside Park. I told a second hand story about a woman who went on a date with a man with a micro penis. That is all I remember.

So I've heard. On Saturdays I sit in an office by myself for 10 hours and I have no idea what's going in outside. 1 more hour! I'll text you shortly so you have my number :)
Sent from the OkCupid app  12/28/2013

I talk a lot when I sense that maybe someone wants to kiss me, or that I want to kiss someone, or that we really should be kissing by now regardless of what anyone feels. And ooooooh I say the very worst things.  In this case I had been sitting on a stool while he sat on his bed. I sat on that stool for way too long. There was no way for him to come join me on the stool, so it was really up to me to make the move to the bed and I just DIDN'T for SEVERAL HOURS.

Finally, I said something ridiculous like "I'm going to come sit over there because my butt is sore from sitting on this stool". VERY LOGICAL. HE'LL NEVER KNOW WHAT YOU'RE UP TO. I never fail to miss an opportunity to be cool or sexy or to seem in control of a situation so once I noticed that we were sitting closer and he was making a face like "I'm going to move my face closer to your face soon" I gracefully sputtered "you don't really have any moves, do you?". YUP. That's what I went with. Four stars, Sklar.

In another New Years Miracle, he kissed me anyway =DAD STOP READING NOW= which quickly progressed to horizontal kissing and the very awkward navigation of thick winter pantyhose. To put it in Jersey Shore terms, "we smushed". We smushed 2 times and then fell asleep, woke up, smushed again, and then went to a diner. It was all giddy and wonderful (and highly satisfying for the record). It was by far the best New Years Eve I had ever had, from what easily could have been a disaster.

If you know me, or know this blog, you know that this is not the story of how I met my future husband or boyfriend, but the story of how I met my best friend. I made a lot of unusual choices that night and I'm glad to say that it paid off in unexpected ways. I know there's a lot left unsaid here, and that's a story for another day, but that first date ended up being far more indicative of the wonderful giddyness that would color our friendship than of anything else.