Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Things I know Nothing About. Episode 2: Christianity

Today's Image Brought To You BY Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal.

I have never read the bible or any other religious text other than a few short passages. I have never been to a religious service. I keep an open mind because I know that it is arrogant to do otherwise but my gut reaction to everything that organized religions have to say about the human experience is "Nope. Not true." or "Nope. Didn't happen.". I am not an atheist (arrogant) or an agnostic, exactly. My feeling is that there could be a god but I really don't care. It makes no impact on my life one way or the other. (Note: I do think that as per Occam's Razor God really isn't the best explanation of our universe because once you accept creationism you are left with the lingering questions of "Well what the fuck is it then? Where does it live? How? Why?". The Big Bang for all that we don't understand is much simpler.) I'm going to go right ahead and say that heaven and hell are obvious constructions aimed at controlling the masses and they absolutely do not exist. That's not arrogant it's just reasonable. I am going to limit my discussion here to Christianity. It would be a really long blog if I were to open up the field.

On History: In the early days of structured civilization religion made sense because medicine was terrible and in order to keep societies running people really needed some incentive to behave themselves. I don't know all of the origins to every stupid rule in Judaism or Christianity  but I will give the benefit of the doubt and assume that most of them had some logical basis once upon a time. Over time, however, because any structured system will inevitably  allow power hungry sociopaths to rise in the ranks and start making decisions, what was once a few little white lies aimed to keep people in line became a conspiracy of absolute bullshit designed to put money and power into the hands of these sociopaths. It seems to me that anyone with half a brain who took European History in High school would come to the same conclusion but, apparently, to the Faithful, history is there to be ignored.   

A few Thoughts on Things That Christians Care About:

Homosexuality: Anal sex in a time without proper plumbing or toilet paper was probably really bad for society. We have Charmin, condoms, and water free sanitizer now. Get over it.

Pre-Marital Relations: Marriage used to be a practical way to make sure that men were helping to raise their offspring. Now Marriage is more of a symbolic way to take advantage of bureaucracy. Divorce rates are too high to worry too much about it anyway. Legally men aren't allowed to knock up a lady and take no responsibility so marriage is more or less redundant in that sense.  I think it's pretty clear at this point that teaching abstinence doesn't. fucking. work.

Abortion: You're only allowed to have a problem with it if you support the proliferation of birth control. I'm pro-choice but I also believe that NOT getting pregnant isn't all that difficult.

Teaching creationism in schools: Why do we even consider this as a valid option? 

A summary of my thoughts on modern Christians:

If a person needs to believe in God to get through the day I fully support it. 
If a person takes it a little further but actually acts in the spirit of Jesus I would be an asshole to take issue with it. 
If a person believes that all of America needs to live by their Religious beliefs then that person should be kicked in the taint and sent to a walled-in commune. 
If a person uses their faith to justify hate then they should be airlifted to the top of an active volcano and left there.
If a person believes that evolution in a myth they should be sent into Gorilla territory to fend for themselves.
If a person doesn't believe in abortion or birth control they should be killed, not because I hate them so much, but because there are too many people on the planet and if we can't use birth control or have abortions than SOMEONE'S gotta take one for the team.

Final thoughts: In America it is extremely taboo to criticize someone's religious beliefs. I take issue with that. Just because you were told to believe something when you were little and didn't have a choice doesn't mean it isn't completely fucking stupid. Maybe the reason America is floundering is because we tolerate too much stupidity in the name of religion. I'm not saying it shouldn't be allowed I'm just saying I wish it were more socially acceptable to tell people on a regular basis that their belief system makes no sense.

Today's images are all courtesy of Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal.

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