Wednesday, June 26, 2013

American Progress: A History Of Straight White Christian Males Totally Getting Away With Lots of Nasty Shit

Today the DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act) was deemed unconstitutional. This doesn't mean the struggle for Gay Rights in America is anywhere near over, but it does mean that our Federal Government has recognized that DOMA was a dick move to begin with. This was one of the final frontiers in the limitation of institutionalized oppression. America is still a pretty racist, misogynistic, homophobic place (evidence: the composition of our government. our entertainment preferences. our tolerance of Bill O'Reilly), but that's because we're a nation of assholes on an individual level. The government is full of these same assholes, but they're doing a better job recognizing that no group of assholes should have more rights than another group of assholes.  We're building a better future for our children, who we assume will be innocent. This is how it works. Progress is everything getting a little better for everyone with each new generation. The goal might be equality but the reality is that even if things get better for everyone, the hierarchy stays more or less in tact. 

Here's the thing that bugs me about progress: The worst offenders of creating institutionalized oppression in the first place never have to take their turn being powerless. White Straight Christian Males have never officially had their rights limited in any way. There is a sniveling contingent of shitheads who contend that Affirmative Action oppresses the SWCM but even if that is true it's hard to feel sorry for them when compared to say, lynching? Or not being allowed to vote? Or being diagnosed with Female Hysteria because you're sick of blowing your abusive husband? I know I'm being kind of a cunt about this but I can't help but think we'd have a more balanced society if the SWCR were subjected to just a LITTLE BIT of institutionalized oppression. Maybe just something small like...not being allowed to drive after 10 PM or having to pee at a separate (but equal) urinal. The SWCM's overinflated sense of self is the cause of 90% of the worlds suffering and that is a FACT that I made up so I think it would do us all good if we could find ways to make them feel small. This wouldn't have to be permanent, or even consistent. National Oppress a Straight White Christian Male Day. March 14th. I Think it's a good idea.

Monday, June 17, 2013

City of Witches

From now on this is no longer a blog of the creative non-fiction, essayistic persuasion; it is now the story of a city where everyone is secretly a witch but no one talks about it because theyre afraid that the rest of society will turn against them but then one plucky young lass has the courage to show the world how kind and wonderful they are but then right when it was starting to be OK it all goes wrong and a bunch of people end up dead. It's Young Adult Fiction and an allegory for AIDS in New York in the 80s.

Just kidding. This is a post about how New Yorkers really don't like to get wet.

New Yorkers are way too quick to whip out the umbrella and it makes it harder to get around than it needs to be. Don't even try to tell me that this has something to do with Hurricane Sandy because I noticed this last summer too. Put on a hat and grow a sack, New York. I am tired of being poked in the eye by your god-damned spindles.

In other news, I dropped my iphone into the subway tracks and then I cried in two different AT&T stores. I don't want to talk about it.