Thursday, October 16, 2014

Drinks With a Guyfriend: A Dramatization

Drinks With a Guyfriend: A Dramatization're upset because you think she doesn't like you?

No, she said she wants to see me again.

So you're upset because you don't like her?

No. I didn't say that.

Ok. So we're drinking and commiserating because you like her, and you think she likes you too and…she's your cousin?

Enough with the sass. I just wanted it to go better. I had an idea about how it was going to be and then it just...didn't. 

Well I don't know what to say about that. It might not be a great fit if you're already not having a good time on your third date. 

Right. The third date.


It was our THIRD DATE.

YEAH. I think by the THIRD DATE if you're not having fun it's probably time to call it.

No. I want to see her again. 


Don't look at me like that. Did you order drinks yet?

No not yet. He hasn't come over. Like I'm really fucking confused? Sorry. I just…I don't know what's going on.

Well that's fucking clear.

STOP IT. I'm trying!

You think I'm a bad person.

I have no idea what we're talking about. Bartender? Hi! Two Jamesons on the rocks please. Thank you!

Jesus. I'm upset that we didn't have sex. How are you not getting this? Can I have mine with no ice? Thanks man.

Oooooooooh! Well THAT makes sense. Actually make mine a whiskey soda? Perfect!

So I'm not a bad person for being annoyed? I mean I do like her but I really didn't see this as being a whole courtship thing. Why am I so bad at this? Don't people do it all the time?

People? Sure. People like us? Apparently not. At this point you're committed to the fallacy though so you either have to ride it out and hope she's not insane or cut it off now.

Like us? Don't you dare lump me in with you. You're a maniac. Are you taking notes right now? Calm down over there.

…No I'm not. I mean yes I am. Just… YOU calm down.  Anyway I get it now. Let the commiserating commence.

That took too long. I'm exhausted now. You're useless.

Listen. That's mostly true but in this case it's not my fault. As long as I feel like it's going to happen AT SOME POINT I don't get all miserable if the time line isn't what I want it to be. Although the timeline is pretty much always exactly what I want it to be…so maybe never mind.

That's not fair. 

Nope! None of it is. Cheers!

Saturday, October 4, 2014

Hot Topics: Catcalling, Terrorism, and Our Entirely Fucked Up Power Structure

Most Problems Can Be Solved By Abortions.

I think its safe to say that any man who thinks that street harassment is an acceptable behavior (including men who don't actually do it themselves but support the practice) probably had a mother who either didn't have time to raise him or never wanted him in the first place. Yes, an absent father figure can also have a negative affect, but even a single mother can grab her shitty little offspring by the ear and say "WHAT did you just say about that girls tits, you little monster?". Mothers are the ones who really hold the power to ending harassment. Therefor, abortion and proper birth control is the answer to street harassment. Reluctant mothers=shitty men. Since our entirely fucked up power structure refuses to facilitate this very basic concept, they could at least make it legal to shoot any man caught harassing women in public in the nuts with a tranquilizer gun. If we sterilize these should-have-been-abortions in the process, then so be it.

Speaking of Power Structures….

The National and International power structure is the way it is because people, historically, do not want to do things for themselves. The minute you give up a little bit of autonomy because you think it will improve your quality of living, there is room for some opportunistic bastard to step in a make decisions for you that you didn't anticipate. Is it a complete fallacy that anyone in any government is at all qualified for the job of making decisions for everyone everywhere. The smartest people on earth- the ones who actually might be able to help sort things out- do not WANT that job. They are too busy amusing themselves with electronics or writing jokes for Veep. This goes DOUBLE for anyone in the Police or Armed Forces. There are thousands of noble, brave citizens risking their lives for what they perceive to be public safety, but their leadership is mostly full of self-righteous, power crazed biggots who have completely lost touch with what their role in society is supposed to be. And yes, a non-white officer who hates Muslims is still a bigot. It isn't always a visible race issue.

As for American Government specifically, anyone who can be so easily indoctrinated as to actually stick to their party lines has to be at least a little bit stupid. I don't have an answer for this problem. I think it's a problem that we're stuck with. Pick your battles and fight for them, but don't ever expect that the government wants you to be happy. Who knows what those idiots want (probably money and to have their stupid, blobby face on a stamp or some shit).

But What About Good Vs Evil?

Things like Isis and the Taliban are very scary and we want them to go away. It's pretty fucking absurd to think that this is possible though unless they also have a plan to eliminate the human capacity for fear and hatred. We can bomb the shit out of the middle east and extinguish every last terrorist affiliate, but no matter what there will be people who only want to destroy everything that they don't agree with. Let's be honest, there are thousands of people in the US who would gladly run around shooting anyone who threatens their ideology, but we don't allow that kind of thing and most people are very afraid of prison. America is not the answer to the question of human error. Some of us are more dark and slimy on the insides than others, and there are no geographic limitations to where they might be lurking.