Thursday, October 16, 2014

Drinks With a Guyfriend: A Dramatization

Drinks With a Guyfriend: A Dramatization're upset because you think she doesn't like you?

No, she said she wants to see me again.

So you're upset because you don't like her?

No. I didn't say that.

Ok. So we're drinking and commiserating because you like her, and you think she likes you too and…she's your cousin?

Enough with the sass. I just wanted it to go better. I had an idea about how it was going to be and then it just...didn't. 

Well I don't know what to say about that. It might not be a great fit if you're already not having a good time on your third date. 

Right. The third date.


It was our THIRD DATE.

YEAH. I think by the THIRD DATE if you're not having fun it's probably time to call it.

No. I want to see her again. 


Don't look at me like that. Did you order drinks yet?

No not yet. He hasn't come over. Like I'm really fucking confused? Sorry. I just…I don't know what's going on.

Well that's fucking clear.

STOP IT. I'm trying!

You think I'm a bad person.

I have no idea what we're talking about. Bartender? Hi! Two Jamesons on the rocks please. Thank you!

Jesus. I'm upset that we didn't have sex. How are you not getting this? Can I have mine with no ice? Thanks man.

Oooooooooh! Well THAT makes sense. Actually make mine a whiskey soda? Perfect!

So I'm not a bad person for being annoyed? I mean I do like her but I really didn't see this as being a whole courtship thing. Why am I so bad at this? Don't people do it all the time?

People? Sure. People like us? Apparently not. At this point you're committed to the fallacy though so you either have to ride it out and hope she's not insane or cut it off now.

Like us? Don't you dare lump me in with you. You're a maniac. Are you taking notes right now? Calm down over there.

…No I'm not. I mean yes I am. Just… YOU calm down.  Anyway I get it now. Let the commiserating commence.

That took too long. I'm exhausted now. You're useless.

Listen. That's mostly true but in this case it's not my fault. As long as I feel like it's going to happen AT SOME POINT I don't get all miserable if the time line isn't what I want it to be. Although the timeline is pretty much always exactly what I want it to be…so maybe never mind.

That's not fair. 

Nope! None of it is. Cheers!

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