Monday, September 2, 2013

Quality Time in Green Wood Cemetery With Some Wicked Old Dead Folks and Way More Parrots Than You Would Expect

I awoke today with the creeping realization, the crescendoing horror, that I was going to have to go to Best Buy to buy a new cable for my camera. Why? Because I was without a way to get my photos from my camera to my computer, and yesterday I went to Green Wood Cemetery. I wanted to write about it, but writing about a cemetery without any photos is mostly depressing. Luckily I found success,  so now I can share with you my experience in one of America's first "rural" (at the time it was) cemeteries. I apologize in advance if anyone finds this disrespectful to the dead. I believe in respecting living relatives who are coping with tragedy but beyond that I really don't see why one can't irreverently enjoy a cemetery.

Green Wood Cemetery was founded in 1838 in Brooklyn, and soon became one of the world's most fashionable places to decompose in peace. The cemetery spans 478 acres, according to the brochure, and encompasses ponds, forest, and hills which provide dramatic vistas.

An interesting thing about Green Wood Cemetery is that there are a surprising number of parrots living in it. It would be surprising if there were even one, but there is an entire population of them. Apparently Parrots have been nesting in Brooklyn since the 1960s when a shipment from Argentina got lost and the birds escaped. They actually nest near warmer powerlines (there are some right outside of the cemetery) to help minimize harshness of the foreign environment. If any of my New York friends knew about this they failed to mention to me, and for that I intend to hold a grudge. THERE ARE PARROTS LIVING IN BROOKLYN. I know they're just birds but I just think it's really rad and I wish I had known about it sooner.

Anyhow...I think the best way for me to proceed is to post the pictures I took and write a little bit about each one. So that's what is happening.

1. Two graves so old that no lettering is distinguishable. It makes me want to become a fashion designer so I can go on Project Runway and design an outfit based on these graves for which I will be kicked off.

2. Marble sculpted to look like a pile of rocks. 

3. A path leading into dense forest in a spooky graveyard? Don't mind if I do.

4. Many of these mausoleums have steps leading down to the water. Ghosts can fly, idiots. They don't need stairs.

5. This one grave is all by itself in an area that doesn't seem to receive any manicuring. 

6. Show off.

7. I kind of want to live in this one.

 8. (same as above)
9.It's like they're all staking out spots to watch fireworks.

10. I dig the etching

11. Some little tables, a few chairs? 

12. Chapel

13: Another pond.

14: Way to make it all about yourself, angel.

15: My reaction to the image above.

16: Entrance

17: Say Whaaaaat?

18: Civil War Monument

19: Civil War Monument 2nd View

20: 3rd view

21: Battle Hill

22: Yes, THAT Leonard Bernstein. I appreciate the restraint.

23: Just because you're dead doesn't mean your last name isn't hilarious.

24: Those aren't lions. They're Labrador Retrievers.


26.Why is he stepping on the hot lady?

27. Oh...That is some BULLSHIT

28. Not every grave was impressive

29. I sometimes worry whether or not bowling balls go to heaven as well

30. Not only a Golf Course problem.

31. Possibly my favorite. No legible inscription.

32: William M Tweed. More on him on another day. Google him.

33. I see you, storks or herons or whatever you are.

34. Creepin' in...

35. Birds, don't be stupid. What if I'm hunting you?

36. Seriously. Fly away. I'm a stranger. Stranger danger!

37. This was the only bloom on the whole bush and I like the color.

38: Half expected a Hobbit to come wandering out and offer me tea.

39: I had to stay and look at this one until someone else came along to look at it otherwise it might have sent me back in time (watch a few seasons of Dr. Who if this doesn't make sense to you).

40. PARROTS. Yes I am sure. They were bright green.

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