Monday, April 14, 2014

Things I Thought On The Toilet

The following is a very half-baked analogy that I thought up on the toilet. I've had writers block lately so I'm taking what inspiration I can get at this point.

Breakups are a lot like pooping. Hear me out.

A really healthy breakup ends with no hard feelings. You feel relieved and productive and ready to move on with your day. #healthybm

A somewhat uncomfortable breakup leaves you feeling like you wasted a lot of time, and are now left with a sore bottom and although you're feeling relieved, you've still got some healing to do before life can proceed as normal. #constipation

A terrible breakup seems to lasts forever and you're never 100% sure the nightmare is over #diarrhea.

A perfect breakup is when you die before it happens. #ifyouneverpoopyouwilldie

I know this doesn't all exactly scan, because in this analogy one person in the relationship is a person and the other is a lump of feces and I am aware that this is not how we should ever view our loved ones. Also did I just imply that a relationship that lasts forever is the same thing as never pooping ever? It's possible. I might need to go on some kind of writers retreat...

1 comment:

  1. What about the times when it's coming out of both ends? w-would that be like if you realized the lady was really a dood and you cry in the shower and never feel clean?