Love and Feminism: A How To

                                              Love and Feminism: A How To

                                                         By Emma Sklar 
                          
                                           Emma Goldman with her lover Alexander Berkman.

  So you’ve realized that the Patriarchy needs to be smashed but you also just really really like the person you’re seeing, and uh oh!- He’s a penis wielding, full blown (by you, because you like dick, despite everything), male-identifying male. Or maybe you ARE a male-identifying male who is thoroughly disgusted by the deep tradition of female oppression throughout human history and want to do anything you can to stop it in it’s tracks and reverse the damage it has caused, but you also have a huge hard-on for the soft, hairless, bergamot scented day-dream of classic femininity.

    Is there any way for a man who wants nothing more than to nestle in the supple bosom of his paramour, and a woman who may or may not have recently googled “sex yoga hip flexibility deeper penetration” to love each other in a healthy and reciprocal way without accidentally subordinating all women everywhere?  I’m going to be honest- I'm not really sure. But with careful consideration, clear boundaries, and a lot of communication, I am confident that the heteronormative trappings of your courtship, if handled correctly, probably won’t hurt anyone- except for whichever one of you inevitably ends up getting their heart pulverized into a fine paste and made into an attractive tapenade for your (now former) lovers next dinner party. You should be free to discover how much Love sucks on your own, though, without worrying about who you might be oppressing in the process.

BUT HOW??!! You wonder.

"What if I like being choked even though I really don’t want to know whether or not the man I’m seeing wants to choke me because it’s incredibly problematic?"

" What if I like to plow my lady like she never had a childhood and then maybe hold her hand and cry a little afterwards?" 

" Don’t these things make me inherently anti-feminist?"

They very well might. I don’t actually know you, so it’s hard to say.  From personal experience I have found that these things are totally fine as long as everyone is enjoying it and no one is secretly filming it for the internet. Even then as long as you donate the proceeds to an organization that supports at-risk women it could still put you in the black, ethically speaking.

Here are some tips for avoiding some common pesky gray areas when it comes to whether or not your behavior is strengthening the all-mighty Empire of Dick;

I. Just because it kind of feels like you might throw up when you think about not being able to see your main dish doesn’t mean that you “need” them the way that women who weren’t allowed to work needed their alcoholic husbands in the 1800s. If you're worried that you're in way over your head with feelings you don't know how to process, try sending your petit ami videos of you masturbating to completion while making unblinking, furious eye contact with the camera. He will see that you want to connect with him, while showing him that you can do it your fucking self if necessary.

II. “Romance” is nice, but has some pretty sexist undertones. Instead of buying gifts or wearing uncomfortable lingerie, try giving really enthusiastic oral sex. I mean, really get in there and don’t stop until the other person says “OK,OK, we get it! Enough!”. I’d suggest taking a shower together but that’s actually kind of dangerous and no one can romantically carry the other one into the ER if you both have broken necks.

III. To make sure the other person hasn’t lost their feminist edge, try disappearing for a few days or weeks every now and again, leaving only small clues to indicate that you’re alive but might not be returning. The ideal response upon is return is “I was really really sad and I missed you a lot  but I trusted that you knew what you were doing and I was pretty sure I was going to be OK too.” Really all couples should do this but it matters to feminism that you don’t call the police, because as a man to do so would imply that you don’t believe a woman can live her own life, and as a woman to do so indicates that you need that man back. Not looking for your significant other doesn’t mean you don’t love them, it just means that you believe in individual autonomy!

Alright kids that’s all for me today! I hope you found this helpful, and feel empowered to go home to your partner and tell them all the ways you think everyone would be fine if they left you. It’s an excellent bonding exercise and I think it will go well for you. If you DON’T have a partner than CONGRATULATIONS, you’re actually already a few steps ahead of the game.

LOVE,

Emma