Tuesday, August 14, 2012


Today on my way home from work a bad thing happened. At a major subway transfer hub (Atlantic Ave in Brooklyn) a few train lines weren't able to stop. I didn't stick around to get the details but it definitely wasn't announced which meant that it was the duty of a few bewildered MTA employees with megaphones to disperse this information. People stood around in a big stupid mass, unable to comprehend the disruption to their daily routine. They were angry. They were hot. They were not moving and collectively they didn't smell very good. I was walking the corridor between the 2-3 and the B-Q when I saw the mass, heard the announcement, and turned around. I was only two miles from home and it was a pretty nice day out so I knew that my best bet was just going to be to walk through Prospect Park (listen to me...I know where things are now kind of!). Before I could walk two feet a new mass of people had filled in behind me. I tucked my elbows in front of me and shouldered my way between two mildly obese individuals whose humanity I didn't fully register as they were both about a foot taller than I am and I couldn't see their faces. Well one of these behemoths, who was probably already enraged and confused because she was going to actually have to WALK somewhere didn't appreciate my little maneuver so she gave jabbed me in the back with her doughy elbow  as I passed. Maybe I was being a little too assertive but what I was doing was much closer to wriggling than shoving and I can confidently say that she was just a dumb lazy bitch (DLB from here on out). Fuck her. I hope she never made it home and is still standing in the train station gargling protestations at the MTA employees.

That's not even close to the worst part. The worst part was the dense mass of people who did figure out that they would in fact have to leave the building but were having a hard time reconciling their want to be outside with the fact that we wouldn't all be able to fit out the door at the same time. The mass, which I would liken to the flow of glacial ice except with sticky human flesh and hair extensions where ice and rocks should be. It could have been moving faster, but not that much faster so the most unbearable part of the whole experience were the loud twats behind me who kept squawking loudly that everyone needed to walk faster and kept shoving me into the hairy little guy in an undershirt in front of me. The DLB I might be able to pardon for ignorance and for the fact that she actually might have keeled over if she had tried to waddle the 8 blocks to the next station. These ladies though...I literally hope they got run over by cars. Note that I said GOT run over by cars, not "I hope they GET run over by cars". The difference is that I can't control something that already happened so I won't feel bad at all even I somehow find out that they did perish beneath the wheels of a miada but if I wished their future demise then I would feel a little bit responsible should something happen. Either way they are both absolutely the WORST.

The good news is that I had a very pleasant walk in the park and now I'm a JAZZ gig at a TEA lounge on a WEEKNIGHT. Granted, I don't have to work tomorrow so don't get too impressed at how good I am at staying up late.

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