Monday, January 9, 2012

Dickheads Behaving Badly

This past Sunday I worked at the Waffle Cabin and I was determined to take a legitimate lunch break. Usually I keep a liter or so of nutritious green liquid in the fridge to sustain me but on Sunday I just wanted a slice of pizza and five minutes to eat it in peace. At around 11 I hadn't any customers for a while so I put up my official "back in 5 minutes" sign along with a hand written sign that said "Grabbing Lunch. Be Back Soon.-Emma " with a smiley face at the end. I had my bases covered and I assumed that people would understand and respect my need to eat. So I walked fast and weaved through the crowds to get my pizza as quickly as possible. My mistake was that I came back to the cabin to eat it. I just didn't like the idea of leaving it completely unattended should there be a fire or a waffle riot. Also the base lodge was crowded and I was in uniform and I was worried that I might be tracked down by hoards of children.
I set up my stool in a corner as far away from the window as possible and began eating my pizza. Maybe it had been slightly more than 5 minutes since I left but that's why I put the other sign up. Within seconds some guy had his big ugly face pressed up to the window. His hands were around his eyes shielding the light and he was definitely PEERING at me in a confused and hostile way. So, with a slice of pizza in one hand and a mouth full of cheese I gestured politely that I would just be another moment. He didn't go away but rather leaned on the counter and tapped his fingers impatiently. If I were a vendor anywhere other than at the base of a ski lift this might be understandable behavior but as it is I can be pretty fucking sure that this guy did not have any urgent appointments for which I was making him late. I swallowed my current mouthful, put down my half-eaten pizza, and attended to the man  because he seemed like the type whose indignation would escalate quickly over time and I'd rather get to him in his basic dickface stage rather than wait until he reached full-blown belligerent asshole. 

So I sold the guy three waffles for him and his slack-jawed friends (who were rolling cigarettes on the picnic we put out. Handle your shit in private, people that is a gross thing to do on a public surface) and watched as he pointedly put his change back into his wallet rather than tipping me. I don't live or die by tips so this kind of thing usually doesn't bother me but something about the fact that he was not tipping me because I took a 6 minute lunch break made me wish I had the power to perform a shit-your-pants curse. By the way, if Hogwarts existed in the real world that would be a real curse and everyone would always have explosive diarrhea.

By the time I got back to my pizza it was cold and I had to eat it standing up because my moment of leisure had passed.  Next time I am just going to let assholes be assholes and eat my  lunch.  Most people are happy that I am there to sell them waffles. This is the way it should be. Other people seem to feel that they are OWED waffles and if I am not there to serve them promptly than I am violating the terms of some contract that I was supposed to have read. These people speak to me like a 12 year old who didn't do my daily reading and who shouldn't be charging them so much for waffles. 

Of course I was fully expecting all of this when I signed on for the job but expecting outstanding douchebaggery and actually dealing with it in person are two very different things. Luckily for me I have giant dimples and a melodious voice  so people rarely pick up on my hostility (people who know me know full well how completely hostile I can be when I feel like it but at work I am the breathing incarnate of effervescent charm. you'll just have to trust me on that). The truth is that most people buying waffles are so stoked to be getting a waffle that I really enjoy serving them but they don't make very interesting writing. The over-indulged sociopaths might be a pain in the ass but they do give me something to write about.

1 comment:

  1. Does it help to know that my fantasy woyld be to pound the life out of this asshole?